Going Back to Portland: Part Two
by frostyfreezyfreeze54
Summary: The boys are forced to intervene when Jaylynn decides to leave Seattle and move back to Portland.
1. Going Back to Portland Part Two Script

_Thank You, Heavenly_

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 4

EPISODE 17

Airdate: July 4, 2016

"Going Back to Portland: Part II" (Season Finale)

Special Guest Stars: Sabrina Carpenter as Sarah Bennett, Soni Nicole Bringas as Sonja Peterson, Skai Jackson as Legs, Isabela Moner as Skylar "The Equalizer" Davenport

 _COLD OPEN_

JAYLYNN: Last time on _Thank You, Heavenly_...

 _Cut to Sonja talking to a camouflaged Jaylynn._

SARAH: Jaylynn, Sonja wants to fight you again.

JAYLYNN: Sonja? Sonja Peterson, the biggest bitch in Portland wants another fight? For what?

 _Cut to Jaylynn talking to the boys about the fight._

BUSTER: You can't back down anymore. If you let Sonja get away with this, your reputation is going to go down the drain.

 _Cut to Jaylynn running away from the fight._

BUSTER: Come on, Jaylynn. We need the old you back.

RK: Yeah, don't be a sucker. I miss the old Jaylynn like I miss the old Kanye.

WADE: What's it going to be, Jay?

 _Cut to Sonja spitting in Jaylynn's face and Jaylynn kicking her in the head to win the fight. Later on, Jaylynn arrives home with Sarah._

JAYLYNN: I can't wait to tell the boys about my win.

 _Jaylynn goes upstairs to see that the boys are gone._

JAYLYNN: They're gone. I can't believe this. They ditched me again.

 _*opening sequence*_

SCENE 1

The Bennett Household

Interior Bedroom

Portland, Oregon

 _Jaylynn sits on her bed with the same look of rage from the previous episode. Sarah walks in slowly._

SARAH: You know, they were probably waiting up for you.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, right. Face it, Sarah, they have this vendetta against me. I don't know what it is, but they have it.

SARAH: You know that's bullshit. Why would they come all the way to your old hometown if they didn't care about you?

JAYLYNN: To make me let my guard down so when they turned on me, I wouldn't see it coming. This doesn't even make any sense. Why would they leave your house when their keys don't even work here?

SARAH: Oh, I made them a key to make it easier for them.

JAYLYNN: When did you have time to do that?!

SARAH: When I was running errands.

JAYLYNN: When were you running errands?

SARAH: Sometime before now when you decided to ask me these dumbass questions. Look, the guys are going to be here soon. Talk to them later and deal with it _later_. But for now, celebrate. You beat Sonja Peterson's ass again. No one's going to forget this.

JAYLYNN: I guess. I was just expecting some people to actually celebrate with.

 _The sound of the doorbell being rung is heard._

JAYLYNN: Were you expecting someone?

SARAH: No, not at all. But strange people are always ringing my doorbell. Doesn't bother me any, just go with the flow and move on.

JAYLYNN: Are you going to get that or...

SARAH: Yeah. I was just trying to talk to you. Like people in a conversation do.

JAYLYNN: Sarah!

 _Beat._

SARAH: I don't like you sometimes.

 _Jaylynn follows Sarah as she looks through the peephole. She scratches her head and opens the door to reveal Sonja, Legs, and Skylar._

JAYLYNN: Oh, f***. What do you guys want?

SONJA: Well, you really don't think that you can just beat me up like that, disrespect my girls, and walk away like nothing's going to happen, do you?

JAYLYNN: That's exactly what I thought. Now go away, I have bigger problems.

SKYLAR: What bigger problems?

SARAH: Her friends went to go see a movie without her. But this doesn't concern you, so why don't you just stop trespassing, kay?

SONJA: All we did was ring the bell without stepping in the house. How is this trespassing?

SARAH: I don't know, I just want you guys to go away.

LEGS: Wait, hold the phone. Your friends really ditched you?

JAYLYNN: Yeah, they did.

LEGS: Well, here in Portland, we consider that a dick move.

SKYLAR: You wanna hang out with us instead?

JAYLYNN: Why in God's name would I do that?

SARAH: Yeah, why in God's name would she do that?

JAYLYNN: Thanks for the backup.

SARAH: No problem.

LEGS: Well, you did prove you're the real deal, Jaylynn. I always thought you were super lame, but you proved yourself tonight.

SKYLAR: Yeah, you don't need those Seattle losers.

JAYLYNN: Those losers have been my friends for three years.

 _Jaylynn gives Sarah a confused look, expecting more backup._

SARAH: See, now you're expecting it. This is exactly why I didn't want to do it the first time.

LEGS: Look, the way we see it, those "friends" really aren't your friends right now. And they're probably going to ditch you again, so why get mad?

SONJA: Hang on. I never said anything about her coming with us to hang.

LEGS: Would you excuse us for a minute?

 _Sonja and her crew do a group huddle on the lawn._

SONJA: Guys, I don't know how I feel about this. She made me look like an idiot again.

SKYLAR: That's more your fault than hers. I'm just keeping it real with you.

LEGS: Look, she needs a pick-me-up and if she could beat you twice, that means she's the real deal. Come on, let her chill with us.

 _Sonja sighs._

SONJA: Fine, her and Sarah can come. But I'm not going to talk to her.

SKYLAR: That's fine. We'll just do it for you.

 _The crew breaks out of their huddle and approaches Jaylynn and Sarah again._

SONJA: So you want to hang out with us or what? It's better than staying here crying about your friends.

SARAH: I can't come too?

SONJA: You coming was implied.

SARAH: Oh.

JAYLYNN: Well, I really have nothing else going on...fine.

SONJA: Great. I think this is going to be fun for _everybody_.

 _Sonja flashes Jaylynn a sinister smile._

JAYLYNN: Seriously, if this is your way of making a pass at me, you're not good at it.

SCENE 2

The Bennett Household

Interior Living Room

Portland, Oregon

 _The boys have come back and are watching TV while waiting for Jaylynn and Sarah._

BUSTER: Why aren't we back on the road? I can't stand not having Mariners games on TV.

WADE: You could always watch the ESPN game.

BUSTER: Wade, nationally televised games are just meant to make you feel better for not having Extra Innings. No thanks.

SPARKY: We're waiting for Jaylynn and Sarah to come back. I wonder what's keeping them out so late.

RK: Oh, they're hanging out with Sonja and her girls.

SPARKY: Wait, who, what, when, where, why, now, how, and what now?

RK: Yeah. Jaylynn won the fight against Sonja and they took a picture together outside McDonald's twenty minutes ago. See?

 _RK shows the boys a picture of Jaylynn, Sarah, Sonja, Legs, and Skylar posing outside McDonald's on his phone._

SPARKY: RK, how do you know all this?

RK: Because Jaylynn mentioned it on Facebook.

SPARKY: Well, why didn't you say anything before?

RK: I'm not your secretary. I don't need to tell you things I don't feel are important to tell you. I'm RK. I does what I feels like.

 _At that point, Jaylynn and the others walk inside the house laughing._

RK: Like right now. Whatever you're laughing at, it's not funny!

JAYLYNN: Yeah, so I think Fifth Harmony's okay. But I mean, would it kill them to release a single that's not about taking your clothes off?

SONJA: So true. Pop music is weird.

SKYLAR: You know what else is weird? Jazz. I can't get into that. It's like, how do you write songs with the scatting and the bebop and the improv, you know?

LEGS: You shouldn't talk about something you don't understand, Skylar.

SARAH: Well, look who's back.

JAYLYNN: Yup. The boys who abandoned me once again.

SPARKY: We had to catch the movie. Plus, when we left, you weren't answering your phone.

JAYLYNN: A likely story.

SONJA: You know, I don't think we've met. I'm Sonja Peterson.

RK: Yeah, Sylvia Plath, we know.

WADE: Are you really still doing this?

RK: It's a joke, Wade. Could you let me live for one second? Gah.

LEGS: Yeah, I honestly believe these are your friends, Jaylynn.

SONJA: And these are _my_ friends. This is Legs. She helps keep me grounded.

BUSTER: Why do they call her Legs?

LEGS: Some people get their legs busted up if they mess with me. It's how you survive in these streets.

WADE: Makes perfect sense.

SONJA: And this is Skylar Davenport. If the odds aren't in my favor, she always makes sure they are. That's why I like calling her The Equalizer.

BUSTER: Wow, you're really cute.

SKYLAR: Oh. _Skylar's face starts turning red._ Um, thank you, really.

RK: Hey Sparky? You see that? Your boy Buster's spitting some game.

 _Beat._

SPARKY: Dude, if you don't stop staring at me like that...

RK: Okay, okay, it's cool, man.

SPARKY: Well, I think it's time to hit the road. You ready to go home, Jaylynn?

JAYLYNN: Actually, I'm not. I want to stay with Sarah and the crew.

SARAH: Really, Jaylynn?

WADE: Why would you want to hang out together? I thought you guys were sworn enemies.

JAYLYNN: Well, yeah, but we settled that. Sonja's actually pretty cool once you get to know her.

SONJA: And I only know about four people that can genuinely make me laugh, so I guess I can add one more person to the list.

RK: This whole thing feels like an episode of _The Twilight Zone_.

JAYLYNN: Well, get used to it. Sonja and I have had beef for years, but now we can squash it and be cool with each other.

SPARKY: But you have to come home at some point, Jaylynn.

JAYLYNN: I will, but in the meantime, I want to actually enjoy myself. This is my first time in Portland in forever and I feel like I haven't seen anything yet.

SONJA: Don't worry. We'll take you to all the local hotspots. It will be like you never left.

SKYLAR: Plus, now that you're hanging out with us, we're going to be unstoppable. Unless someone thinks you guys only fought for publicity and it's going to be our asses.

SCENE 3

The Bennett Household

Interior Bedroom

Portland, Oregon

 _The boys are packing up their suitcases._

SPARKY: I can't believe Jaylynn's not coming back with us...to hang out with Sonja.

BUSTER: Yeah, what's up with that? We leave for one movie and all of a sudden, she has new friends? Oh no, that's how it starts!

RK: That's how what starts?

BUSTER: Jaylynn obviously thinks Sonja and her friends are cooler than us. She's going to start hanging out with them more often, becoming one of them. Pretty soon, she's going to forget all about us or Anja or the Masters of the Universe. Eventually, Sarah's going to become her best friend, she's going to move back to Portland, and we're going to be history. Sparky, get the broom, it's time to sweep up yesterday's trash.

RK: Don't you think you're overreacting just a bit?

BUSTER: I DON'T OVERREACT TO THINGS, RK! Oh. Okay, that was a little too far, but it could happen.

WADE: Don't worry, Buster, this is just a temporary thing. Jaylynn just needs some time to herself. She beat Sonja again, called a truce, and now she just wants to hang out in the place she grew up. We can't really knock her for that.

SPARKY: Wade's right. We can't keep Jaylynn from doing what she wants to do. She'll be back in a few days, nothing wrong with that.

SCENE 4

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

 _ABOUT A COUPLE DAYS LATER (MAYBE FIVE...)_

 _The boys are all eating together._

SPARKY: I can't believe Jaylynn's not back yet.

BUSTER: It would only take a few days, huh? It only takes a couple seconds to kill a man, Sparky!

SPARKY: Hey, don't blame me. Blame Wade with his power of positivity and junk.

WADE: Blame me for being rational? Blame RK!

RK: I, um...I didn't do anything.

WADE: Oh, right. For once, you weren't responsible.

RK: Cute. Look, have any one of you guys called Jaylynn or Sarah or Sonny or those other girls?

SPARKY: We tried Jaylynn hundreds of times, but she's not answering anything.

RK: In that case, you should probably try talking to Sarah.

SPARKY: Oh yeah. You know, I've been going into hysterics the past week so at no point did that occur to me.

RK: See, without me being witty and thinking about things, you guys would have nothing.

WADE: Don't even think about pushing your luck.

BUSTER: Hey, do you think Jaylynn's upset about something?

RK: Probably. Not really. Definitely, she hates you guys.

WADE: What about you?

RK: Dude, I'm innocent. For the first time that I can remember, RK Jennings did absolutely nothing wrong. You know what? I should savor this moment. I should take a picture of my beautiful smile, go home, and celebrate with some non-alcoholic champagne. I would get a party hat, but that might be a little too much.

SPARKY: Okay. Alright, cool. Sure, bye.

BUSTER: What did Sarah say?

SPARKY: Well, it looks like Jaylynn does have a problem with us. I don't know what it is, but she told me we should just go back to Portland and talk to her.

RK: Eh, you guys should stop by Voodoo Doughnut when you get there. We didn't visit it the first time, but I insist you see it.

SPARKY: You're coming too. Whatever we did, you did it too.

RK: Oh, great. Even when I win, I still take the L.

SCENE 5

Thomas J. Rutherford Park

Portland, Oregon

 _The girls are all sitting down on one of the benches near the entrance._

SONJA: I just think that we should love ourselves and not have to worry about what people think.

SARAH: Isn't that what pretty people say to make ugly people think there's still a chance for them?

SONJA: Most of the time, yeah. But it's still good advice. What do you think, Jaylynn?

JAYLYNN: I think it's pretty good advice. Sometimes, you just have to f*** people's opinions and just do what you want to do. That's always been me. I don't follow trends or take orders from anybody. I'm here for me and that's all I'm ever going to have in this world.

LEGS: What about your friends?

JAYLYNN: I want to think my friends will always be here, but one day, they're not. I just have to get used to it when it happens. Besides, I'm already getting good practice.

SKYLAR: You know, you're a lot cooler than I thought you were. Why did the guys ditch you anyway?

JAYLYNN: Like hell if I know. But I don't know what's going on anymore. I just feel like the black sheep now.

SONJA: See, Jaylynn, that's what happens when you get too attached to people. They always disappoint. No matter what the reason is, they always find a way. I don't need many friends in my life. Just these two, and that's all there is to it. Your friends are just wack, that's all.

SARAH: Hey, she has the best friends in the world. I know that for a fact.

SONJA: Until I actually see that, I can't think the way you do. From what Jaylynn told me, they ain't shit.

LEGS: Amen.

SARAH: Can you excuse us for a moment? I need to talk to Jaylynn about, um...her soup recipe.

SKYLAR: You're lying, aren't you?

SARAH: Nothing you can prove. Let's go.

 _Sarah pulls Jaylynn aside from the other girls._

JAYLYNN: I don't have a soup recipe. You know I can't cook, why do you have to make me feel insecure?

SARAH: Jaylynn, no offense but, why are you still here? Shouldn't you be heading back to Seattle?

JAYLYNN: And do what? Get ditched by the guys again when I tell them to wait for me? At least here, I'm with people who can relate.

SARAH: You never told them to wait for you.

JAYLYNN: Well, if I did, they wouldn't give a shit and ditch me anyway. Sarah, I like being here in Portland. I like Sonja, Legs, Skylar, the feeling of being back home. I haven't felt this way in a long time.

SARAH: But this isn't your real home. It's in Seattle with the guys and you know it better than anyone.

JAYLYNN: Why are you trying to get all moral on me? The hell's up with that? Huh? Are you...are you trying to develop some new personality trait? Because I see through it, Sarah. I see through it and it's offensive how you're trying to teach me lessons and shit.

SARAH: You're not going anywhere, are you?

JAYLYNN: You're damn right.

SCENE 6

The Peterson Household

Interior Living Room

Portland, Oregon

 _Jaylynn and the girls are watching TV._

VOICEOVER: Country Time lemonade. For a taste as sweet as the old days, put this in your mouth and give us your money.

LEGS: I don't get what's so great about the old days.

SKYLAR: Yeah, if they were so great, how come they haven't made a comeback yet? So Jaylynn, while we have you here, can we ask you something?

JAYLYNN: Sure.

SKYLAR: What do you hate the most about your friends?

JAYLYNN: Um..., wow, that's, um...something.

SKYLAR: It really is. Now what do you hate the most?

JAYLYNN: Jamaica.

SKYLAR: What?

JAYLYNN: They always talk about how they want to go to Jamaica for summer vacation and I'm just like, "Nah, B, we should go to Trinidad." I don't know, Trinidad's cool.

SARAH: Aren't you half-Dominican?

JAYLYNN: Shut up, Sarah, I'm going somewhere with this!

SONJA: Come on, Jaylynn, you don't have to be so uncomfortable. We know you're here because you just don't have a reason to go back home.

JAYLYNN: Who told you that?

SONJA: I can see it in your eyes. Besides, you just started to know us a few days ago. We're not that amazing.

LEGS: Speak for yourself, I know I get busy.

SONJA: So Jay, what's the deal? What's really going on with you and your friends?

SARAH: You don't have to tell them anything you don't want to. She doesn't have to tell you anything she doesn't want to.

JAYLYNN: Sarah, please. I mean, I don't have to tell them about how I feel alone sometimes. Or how I cry myself to sleep because the pain is just too much to deal with. I mean, who cares about that? I don't. I don't care about the fact that every day, it just feels like I'm constantly shit on, being forced to go to a school I hate, hanging out with people who probably don't respect me as much as I think they do, and being in a group who can't even invite me to a damn movie. Forget that. I feel better here. I feel like I'm free from my present and I can just relive the memories of being my own person. And I don't have to leave because...what am I really going back home to?

SONJA: Makes sense to me.

JAYLYNN: I'm glad that it does.

SKYLAR: So are you going to move back here, Jaylynn?

JAYLYNN: Que?

LEGS: You're going to come home or not?

JAYLYNN: You know, that's a really interesting question. And that's all we have for today. See you some other time, ladies.

SONJA: Wait, so you're not going to move back here?

JAYLYNN: I mean, that's a commitment. I have to think about it first. But you know, the guys probably miss me so I'm just going to go now. Oh, and to make sure we're on the same page here...this conversation never happened. Come on, Sarah.

SARAH: But I thought you wanted to...

JAYLYNN: I said, COME THE F*** ON, SARAH!

 _The scene cuts to Jaylynn and Sarah in the car._

SARAH: Man, you left that place quickly.

JAYLYNN: I didn't think they were going to tell me to stay! I'm not ready for that, bro! You know what? It's okay. I'll just go back home, kiss and make up with the boys, and put all of this behind me.

SCENE 7

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

 _Jaylynn has joined the boys at lunch._

SPARKY: We're glad you came back, Jaylynn. We were actually planning to go to Portland to come get you.

JAYLYNN: Oh yeah? How come you didn't?

SPARKY: That's not important, but the point is, you're back and Testicular Sound Express is whole again!

BUSTER: YEAAAAAAAHHHHH!

RK: That's what I'm talking about!

WADE: It feels like the world makes sense again.

JAYLYNN: Alright, so what do you guys want to talk about?

SPARKY: I don't know. The well's been...pretty dry lately.

RK: Wait! I have something we can talk about.

WADE: If you're going to tell us about your first rash, don't bother.

RK: You know that story's classic. But actually, I have a damn good debate question here. What's Michael Jackson's best album?

BUSTER: That's easy, _Off the Wall._

SPARKY: _Off the Wall_ , without a shadow of a doubt.

RK: Seriously? I always thought it was _Thriller_. I mean, it's _Thriller_ , man. The best album ever made by anybody!

WADE: Are we talking impact or quality?

RK: Quality.

WADE: Then I would say _Off the Wall_ by a couple strokes.

RK: But I don't get it.

BUSTER: What don't you get? His best album was _Off the Wall_ , case closed.

RK: What I don't get, no case closed, is that people say _Off the Wall_ to sound cool. Like, can anyone really tell me that _Off the Wall_ has a better song than "Billie Jean" or "Human Nature?"

SPARKY: Honestly, "Working Day and Night" is the best song between both albums.

RK: I think you're exaggerating a little, Sparky.

JAYLYNN: Personally, I think...

SPARKY: How am I exaggerating?

RK: You're talking about "Working Day and Night" like that's his biggest hit. He didn't even make a video for that shit!

WADE: Dude, you're looking at it through record sales and the music videos. You have to look at it song-by-song.

RK: I am, and song-by-song, _Off the Wall_ just isn't as good as _Thriller_. Let's not kid ourselves here.

BUSTER: Didn't Quincy say that _Off the Wall_ was Michael's best album?

SPARKY: I think so.

RK: Wait, hold up. Why did you say it like that?

BUSTER: Say it like what?

RK: Using only their first names like you know them like that. You don't know Quincy Jones. You don't know what Michael Jackson thought. Stop it.

BUSTER: I read it in an interview!

RK: That was probably a lie. Or Quincy Jones just said that to be nice. I mean, for all we know, Michael probably thought that _Michael_ was his best album.

BUSTER: How could Michael think that he himself was his best album?

RK: No, you dip, I meant that first album after he died. The one that came out a couple years ago.

 _At that point, Jaylynn sighs and leaves the table in boredom._

SPARKY: That album sucked.

WADE: How could he think that was his best album if it came out after he died?

BUSTER: You're not making any sense, RK.

RK: He was probably working on it before he died.

WADE: No, he wasn't, if you look at the timeline...

RK: NO, SHUT UP! SHUT UP, EVERYBODY JUST SHUT UP! I'M TRYING TO MAKE A POINT HERE AND YOU'RE MAKING ME NERVOUS!

 _Beat._

SPARKY: I thought _Xscape_ was great.

BUSTER: Yeah, that one was classic Michael.

RK: ENOUGH!

 _Meanwhile, in the halls, Jaylynn is on the phone._

JAYLYNN: Yeah, so what are you guys doing now? Oh, okay, cool. So can I come? Yeah, I could drive there after school. No problem. Really? Okay, maybe next time. Skype tonight? Yes, that would be totally awesomesauce. Shut up, Skylar, I was saying that way before you even knew me! Alright, it's a date for tonight. Bye.

 _Jaylynn hangs up._

HALLEY: Jaylynn, what are you doing?

JAYLYNN: GAH! Seriously, if you're going to do that, give me a warning or something.

HALLEY: Who were you talking to?

JAYLYNN: None of your business, D.W. But if you must know, I have some friends from Portland and I was trying to go see them, but we just settled on Skype.

HALLEY: You were going to drive all the way there just to see some girls you barely know?

JAYLYNN: How did you know that?

HALLEY: I'm dating one of your best friends, I know this stuff. It's just weird, Jaylynn. You already have great friends here. Why do you feel the need to hang out with all these new people?

JAYLYNN: Like I said, it's none of your business. And if you try to make it your business, I'll make your business personal, understand me?

HALLEY: I'm not scared of you.

JAYLYNN: I know you're not, and I'm not scared of you. The sky's blue, we're not scared of each other, whoopty doo. I'll see you around.

 _Jaylynn walks back towards the lunchroom._

HALLEY: Make sure you know who your real friends are, Jaylynn!

JAYLYNN: Yeah, yeah, don't do drugs, I know.

 _Jaylynn closes the door while Halley shakes her head._

SCENE 8

The Hernandez Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _Jaylynn has set up a Skype chat on her laptop with Sonja, Legs, and Skylar._

JAYLYNN: So of course, Halley has to get all up in my face and give me this lame speech about real friends and shit and I don't know. I mean, I know she's Sparky's girlfriend and all, but she tries too hard sometimes.

SONJA: Wow. You know, the way you talk about your friends, it's like a never-ending hell.

JAYLYNN: Eh, it has its ups and downs. But that's the price you pay when you know too many people.

LEGS: So did you think about what we said the other day?

JAYLYNN: Kinda. I mean, I like ginger ale, but making it into an Air Heads flavor? I don't know.

LEGS: No, not that. I mean, about you moving back to Portland.

JAYLYNN: Look, guys, I appreciate the offer, but I just don't think it's a good idea. I left Portland for a reason, I can't just go back to that. The past has to be the past.

SKYLAR: See, I would understand that if you didn't start hanging out with us so much.

SONJA: Yeah, I don't know about you, Jaylynn. You're flip-flopping on us.

JAYLYNN: I'm not Hillary Clinton, I don't flip-flop on anything.

SONJA: Yeah. Well, tell me this. You want to stay in Seattle even though you're in love with someone who will never feel the same way, you always complain how shitty your friends are and half the time, you feel like dropping dead because of your school? It doesn't sound like you're happy there, Jaylynn.

JAYLYNN: But I am happy here.

SONJA: Yeah, right. If you're so happy, how come all you do is complain to us about your life?

JAYLYNN: Well, I am kinda pessimistic, so there you go.

SONJA: Mm-hmmm. I see.

LEGS: Look, Jaylynn, just because you did something before, doesn't mean you can't do it again. I mean, LeBron James came back to Cleveland for a reason.

SKYLAR: Yeah, and you can be just like him. Come on, man, just give it a shot. You said it yourself you had nothing to come back to. At least now, you can be true to your word.

 _Jaylynn sighs and rubs her chin._

JAYLYNN: You know what? You guys are right. I have to say what I mean and mean what I say. I'm moving back to Portland tonight. Just give me some time to get my stuff together.

SONJA: Alright! The old Jaylynn's back!

JAYLYNN: Yup. She's back. And this time, I'm gonna make sure she's here to stay.

SCENE 9

The Hernandez Household

Interior Bedroom

Seattle, Washington

 _Jaylynn is packing up the last of her belongings and looks around the room._

JAYLYNN: I guess I'll send for the rest. Well, time to say goodbye.

 _Jaylynn pulls out her phone and decides to send a text to the boys, Anja, Halley, Ashley, and Gilcania all at once._

JAYLYNN: "To whom it may concern..." Wait, no, that shit's corny. Um, let me see. I need to keep this short and sweet. "I'm leaving for good. I'm never coming back, and I swear to God that nobody come and find me. I need to do this for myself. I'm not happy here anymore and I hope you understand. Later." Yeah, that will work.

 _Jaylynn sends out the text to everyone and leaves her room for the last time with her stuff. She loads her belongings into the trunk of her car and drives off, but not before looking at her house one more time and waving goodbye._

SCENE 10

The MacDougal Household

Interior Bedroom

Seattle, Washington

 _Sparky wakes up, yawns, and checks his phone. He reads Jaylynn's text and a look of disturbance appears on his face._

SPARKY: Oh my God! Jaylynn moved back to Portland?!

 _At that moment, Bitch Clock climbs through the window with an empty bottle of Olde English 800 and looks at Sparky._

BITCH CLOCK: What? I was trying to sneak in, do you know how stressful it is to do that with no ladder?

SCENE 11

The MacDougal Household

Interior Kitchen

Seattle, Washington

 _The boys have all gathered around the kitchen table as Sparky is trying to call Jaylynn._

SPARKY: Hello? Jaylynn, it's me again. Just wanted to know if you got my last six calls or any of my texts. Look, it's really important that we talk about this. And when we do talk about this, I'll kill you. But seriously, please let me know you're okay.

 _Sparky hangs up._

BUSTER: I can't believe I was right.

WADE: Is this really the time to brag about this?

BUSTER: What? Where in that sentence did I imply anything about bragging?

RK: Sparky, I think it's time to give up. Jaylynn's gone and there's nothing we can do about it.

SPARKY: She's our friend, man! I'm not just going to give up. I've known her for years and there's no way I'm going to let her leave with nothing but a crappy text.

RK: She doesn't want to be found, she said so herself. It's just like that movie _Paper Towns_. I've never seen it, but I think these two situations are the same.

WADE: You know, if Jaylynn really moved back to Portland, something has to be bothering her. I say we go there and bring her back home ourselves.

BUSTER: Don't you think she's going to get mad if we do what she told us not to do?

WADE: Do you want Jaylynn back or not?

BUSTER: I do, but I hate getting yelled at. It's been happening since I was a little boy on the sandbox. Damn Daniel Hutchinson forcing me to give him my model plane. Little bitch boy had no idea how much time I spent building it.

 _Beat_.

BUSTER: I'm sorry, I just really hate that kid.

SPARKY: Wait a minute. Do you think Jaylynn said that just to see how much we cared about her?

RK: What are you talking about?

SPARKY: I mean, we know Jaylynn's not the most emotional person, but she loves us and we love her. It's not easy for her to get close to anybody. So if we go there, we're just doing what she expects us to do.

WADE: So it's a test?

SPARKY: I think so. We need to get our friend back, so it's time to man up and tell her just how much she means to us...face-to-face.

BUSTER: I'm probably going to get weak in the knees and throw up when we get there.

RK: Why?

BUSTER: I'm not exactly the best in the world when it comes to conflict.

SCENE 12

The Bennett Household

Interior Living Room

Portland, Oregon

 _Sarah is watching TV when Jaylynn comes downstairs with a headband and sweatpants._

JAYLYNN: Hey Sarah, I'm going to be out for a bit. I'm heading for a jog.

SARAH: Since when do you jog?

JAYLYNN: Not enough, but I could work on that while I'm here. I need a new life, Sarah. Fate brought me back here for a reason.

SARAH: Uh huh. So when are you going back to Seattle? A week or two, maybe?

JAYLYNN: Sarah, I mean it. When I said I'm never coming back, I'm never coming back. I'm right where I need to be and nothing you say is going to change that, okay?

SARAH: Okay. Enjoy your jog, I guess.

JAYLYNN: Thank you. In about a month or two, I'll be in the best shape of my life.

 _TWENTY MINUTES LATER_

 _Jaylynn opens the door, having barely broken a sweat._

SARAH: That was really fast.

JAYLYNN: I didn't even run. I started to, got tired, bought a drink at the store, hit on this girl doing cosplay and came back here.

SARAH: Who was she cosplaying as?

JAYLYNN: Harley Quinn. I'm telling you, I love Harley Quinn. She is so sexy.

 _Sarah gives Jaylynn a confused look._

JAYLYNN: Don't tell anyone I said that.

SCENE 13

 _The boys are about ten minutes away from Portland as Sparky whistles while driving._

BUSTER: What song is that, Sparky?

SPARKY: What? Oh, it's nothing, I'm just whistling to whistle.

 _Sparky's phone starts ringing._

SPARKY: Buster, could you see who that is?

 _Buster checks the phone and picks up._

BUSTER: Hello, Anja?

ANJA: Yeah, Buster, where's Sparky?

BUSTER: He's driving. I could see you're not familiar with the term hello.

ANJA: Hi Buster.

BUSTER: Hiiiiii Anja, how are you doing, cutie pie?

RK: Ugh. They should just kiss, you know?

 _Beat._

WADE: I'm sorry, were you talking to me or yourself? I can't tell sometimes.

ANJA: I just wanted to know about Jaylynn's text. Is she really not coming back?

BUSTER: That's what we're about to figure out. We're actually going over to Portland right now so we can convince her to come back home.

RK: Sparky, can we stop for juice before we go to Sarah's place?

SPARKY: Nope. No juice stopping. We have to make sure we go straight there without any distractions.

WADE: What about soda? Can we stop for that?

SPARKY: Eh, I don't see anything wrong with that.

ANJA: Well, whatever you find out, please let me know. I'm worried about Jaylynn.

BUSTER: Don't worry, all of us are worried sick. I'll talk to you later.

 _Buster hangs up._

BUSTER: It's always nice to talk to Anja.

SPARKY: What did she even say?

BUSTER: She just said to let her know how things are going on the Jaylynn front.

SPARKY: Cool. We're almost there.

RK: Hey guys, I have another debate to pass the time.

WADE: Oh Lordy.

BUSTER: What is it this time?

RK: _Girl Meets World_ or _Fuller House_?

 _Beat._

SPARKY: That's such a weird question, I don't know.

BUSTER: Yeah, it's like you know there's an answer, but at the same time, you really don't know.

WADE: _Fuller House_ is kinda boring.

SPARKY: Yeah, but _Girl Meets World_ has its flaws.

RK: Wait, guys. Can we stop talking about this?

BUSTER: Why?

RK: I'm going to be honest, I got bored as f*** the minute I asked that question.

SCENE 14

The Bennett Household

Interior Living Room

Portland, Oregon

 _Jaylynn and Sarah are watching TV._

BENNY: Eh, check me out, I'm Benny. Home of Benny's Rib House over on Maple Street. You ever wanted your ribs made to perfection? Well, Benny's the guy. I have so many delicious ribs, you don't even know it. It's like...

COP: Benny Hernandez, we have a warrant for your arrest.

BENNY: Oh shit. Come on, guys, I'm in the middle of my commercial.

COP: STOP FILMING AND SHOW US SOME I.D. RIGHT NOW!

BENNY: I can cook you up some ribs, you guys hungry?

VOICEOVER: Benny was shot multiple times after this commercial was filmed. The cops plead not guilty on all charges.

JAYLYNN: I don't get it.

SARAH: Yeah, half of the commercials here usually end up in someone improvising. So do you know when we're meeting with Sonja and the crew?

JAYLYNN: Actually, Sarah, there's a problem with that.

SARAH: Oh no, I know where this is going.

JAYLYNN: They only want to hang out with me tonight.

SARAH: Wow, didn't see that coming.

JAYLYNN: Trust me, I tried pulling for you, but, you know.

SARAH: You know what? What the hell happened when you tried pulling for me?

JAYLYNN: I don't know, they just didn't think it was a good idea.

SARAH: Oh, that's rich. What next, you're going to move in with Sonja because living with me is such a pain in the ass?

JAYLYNN: What are you getting upset about? I thought you were cool with it.

SARAH: Yeah, but you're not telling me anything, Jaylynn. I mean, do they think I smell? Am I not as cool as you with your red dye job and skater hats? Should I get my ears pierced and start wearing fake tattoos? WILL I THEN BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU AND YOUR DUMBASS FRIENDS?!

 _Beat._

SARAH: I'm sorry, that was an overreaction. But yeah, I'm starting to think you kinda suck for this.

 _The doorbell rings but neither girl goes to get it._

SARAH: What? I would get it, but I just don't think it's a good idea.

JAYLYNN: Stop being such a child about this.

SARAH: Interesting you say that, considering the fact that I AM A CHILD!

 _Jaylynn looks through the peephole and her eyes widen._

JAYLYNN: Oh my God. They found me.

SARAH: Who found you?

JAYLYNN: The guys. How did they know I was here?

SARAH: Well, I mean...

JAYLYNN: Don't answer that. You know what? Fine. They want to talk? Let's talk.

 _Jaylynn opens the door and stares down the boys._

SPARKY: Jaylynn, we need to talk.

JAYLYNN: Yeah. I know we do. Sarah, this could get ugly.

SARAH: Yeah, sure. I'll just go upstairs now. Nobody's going to pull for me to stay, but I get it.

 _Sarah walks upstairs, looks at the kids one more time, and continues walking._

BUSTER: I have the feeling something's on her mind.

JAYLYNN: So could I just ask you guys what you're doing here?

SPARKY: We came to get you. Jaylynn, I know times are tough, but whatever's going on, we can help you.

RK: We just want things to go back to the way they were.

JAYLYNN: That's the problem with you guys. You don't want things to change because you're scared, so you're trying to take away my happiness because I changed.

WADE: Come again?

SPARKY: Jaylynn, what happened? Why did you leave? Whatever we did, we want to know.

JAYLYNN: It's just not working out anymore. I don't want to be in Seattle, simple as that. Maybe you guys did something, maybe you didn't, but I just can't be in that environment anymore.

RK: Cut the cryptic shit out and tell us what's going on.

JAYLYNN: You guys don't care about me.

SPARKY: What do you mean, we don't care about you?

JAYLYNN: You don't invite me to movies, you rarely ever come to my house, I'm hardly ever a part of your crazy adventures. I've always been an outsider in this group.

BUSTER: Do you really believe you're not a part of this group?

JAYLYNN: It's been like that for a while, but I just realized it. Now I don't have to deal with it anymore. I feel like I belong with Sonja and her girls.

WADE: Or you're probably just a fourth wheel.

JAYLYNN: What do you mean, a fourth wheel?

SPARKY: Come on, Jaylynn. You have history with us and history with me. We know you the same way we know each other, and no matter what, when push comes to shove, you're a part of this group every day of the week. These girls don't know that. They know that hanging out with you is only about status. I mean, after you went all Holly Holm on Sonja, hanging out with them means that nobody will ever f*** with them again. Okay? You're one of the best things that's ever happened to me or these three guys. And I'll be damned if you're going to give all that up because you don't feel like you're good enough.

JAYLYNN: I knew you guys wouldn't get it. I'm never coming back. I tried dealing with things in Seattle, but it's not working out anymore. I'm happier here.

RK: Happier because you can run away from all of your problems now?

 _Jaylynn walks up to RK and slaps him in the face, shocking the boys._

RK: Oh, you're freaking dead.

 _RK tries to go after Jaylynn, but Buster and Wade hold him back._

RK: LET ME AT HER! I'LL KILL HER! I'M NOT PLAYING, LET GO OF ME!

SPARKY: Okay, Jaylynn. It doesn't matter what we say, you're staying here. Fine. But what about Anja?

JAYLYNN: What about her?

SPARKY: The girl you're in love with? Your real best friend? The girl you know you care about more than any other girl?

JAYLYNN: Yeah. I can take care of that right now.

 _Jaylynn pulls out her phone and calls Anja._

JAYLYNN: Anja?

ANJA: Yeah, Jaylynn? When are you coming back?

JAYLYNN: I'm not coming back. I think you should just forget about me. Friends come and go, who cares?

ANJA: Who cares? I care, what the freak are you talking about, Jaylynn?

JAYLYNN: Look, it's over. It wasn't meant to be, we just need new friends.

ANJA: I already have a best friend, I'm not getting another one. Come on, Jaylynn, come home.

JAYLYNN: I'm not, so leave me alone.

 _Jaylynn hangs up._

JAYLYNN: Does that answer your question?

SPARKY: You know what? Screw you, Jaylynn! Let's go, guys. This was pointless.

 _Sparky holds back tears as he leaves, and RK and Wade follow him._

BUSTER: I don't know who you are, but you just broke Sparky's heart. The real Jaylynn would never do that.

 _Buster leaves the house at that moment. Sarah walks down the stairs._

SARAH: You know, he's right. There's a difference between not backing down and just being a bitch.

 _Sarah walks back upstairs._

JAYLYNN: Yeah, like I care! Like anyone cares what I think!

 _Jaylynn simply sits down on the couch and throws her hat on the floor._

SCENE 15

Billy's Burger Barn

Interior Booth

Portland, Oregon

 _The boys are stuffed after eating a couple of burgers._

RK: Hey, do you guys know why that rib house on Maple Street has police tape all over it?

WADE: No clue.

BUSTER: This isn't the time to talk about ribs. We lost Jaylynn forever.

RK: I know, that's why we went here. So we could forget about her.

BUSTER: Get off my case.

RK: Do you want me, with as much meat as I've consumed, to black on you in front of an audience? I didn't think so.

SPARKY: I feel like you guys have been fighting more and more lately.

WADE: If Jaylynn was here, she would take Buster's place.

BUSTER: This sucks. Are we seriously about to lose Jaylynn forever?

SPARKY: I don't see what the big deal is. We've been friends long before she came along and we'll continue to be. Let her take care of herself, it's what she's good at. I'm going to the bathroom and then we can go back home, plan our next move or whatever.

 _Sparky slowly walks to the bathroom while the others look on with concern._

BUSTER: I really wish I could cheer Sparky up. This is the worst day since I got my head stuck in my cereal box.

RK: How did you get your head stuck in a cereal box?

BUSTER: Long story. Let's just say, I didn't find the prize inside.

 _Cut to the boys leaving the restaurant and RK noticing something from his point of view._

RK: Holy shit! Guys, we have company!

SPARKY: What are you talking about, RK?

RK: Check it out.

 _Sparky looks in RK's direction and sees Sonja, Legs, and Skylar._

SPARKY: You have to be kidding me.

WADE: Should we confront them?

RK: I think the real question is, what happens when we _do_ confront them?

SONJA: Well, how about that? It's Jaylynn's old shitty friends.

SPARKY: Excuse me?

BUSTER: Hey Skylar.

SKYLAR: Hi Buster.

LEGS: Don't say hi to him.

SKYLAR: I want to, he's cute.

LEGS: Think up here, not down there.

SPARKY: Look, guys, I don't know what Jaylynn told you, but it's your fault she turned on us. She used to be a great kid. Now she hates us and I know you have something to do with it.

SONJA: You know, it's really petty to blame someone else for something you know you did.

SPARKY: What the hell did we do?

SONJA: For so long, you guys have held Jaylynn back. Did you ever think that maybe this was coming? That all it took was for you guys to push her just a little too far? At the end of the day, she came back because she wanted to stop being your little pet. She wants to be her own person again. And without you in the way, she can do whatever she wants.

RK: How sad. Jaylynn kicked your ass twice and now you're wiping her shoes for street cred.

SONJA: What did you say to me?

RK: You know what I said, bitch. You took Jaylynn away from us!

SONJA: I didn't do anything! It's not my fault you guys are the worst friends in the world.

SPARKY: And it's not our fault you're just a blood-sucking piece of shit that's going to drop Jaylynn the first chance you get!

 _("Ignorance" by Paramore playing in the background)_

 _Sonja punches Sparky in the face, then he screams and tackles her. A brawl breaks out as RK and Wade go after Legs and Skylar. Buster decides to help Sparky fight Sonja, and they deliver a simultaneous kick to her stomach. Skylar sees it while grabbing RK by the collar and in a fit of rage, throws Buster to the floor on the back of his head and gives Sparky a clothesline. Meanwhile, Jaylynn is getting ready to go out. She looks at her wallet and finds a picture of her with the guys at a Christmas party. She sighs and locks the door behind her as she leaves. The scene goes back to the fight as Legs rams Wade into Sparky's car multiple times while Skylar rests her foot on RK's throat. RK starts coughing up blood and tries to get up as Skylar blocks it with a Curb Stomp. Some of the customers are watching the kids fight, but are doing nothing to stop it._

LINDA: Honey, those kids are trying to kill each other!

VINCE: Just ignore it, Linda.

LINDA: But we have to get help for them before they...

VINCE: I SAID, JUST IGNORE IT, LINDA!

 _Sonja starts punching Sparky a couple times in the face, making him bleed from the mouth, and then tosses him into the side of the dumpster at the burger joint. She then stomps on his head and kicks him in the stomach. Meanwhile, Legs is about to break an incapacitated Buster's legs with a golf club while Skylar holds him up, but RK taps on Legs' shoulder before she can pull it off._

LEGS: What is it?

 _Legs turns around and gets taken down with a roundhouse kick. RK takes the golf club and hits Skylar with it multiple times. Meanwhile, Wade goes after Sonja by trying to get her into a sleeperhold, and she appears to be fading until she elbows him in the face and gives him a DDT on the ground. Sonja then knees Sparky in the head one more time and grabs an empty glass bottle from the dumpster. She is able to avoid RK's golf club attack and smashes him in the head with the bottle._

SONJA: I'm going to f***ing murder these idiots.

 _Sonja taps Sparky with the club and violently hits him in the spine with it. She backs away slowly and goes for a punt, but Jaylynn appears behind her._

JAYLYNN: Hey, you want to know a secret?

 _Sonja turns around and Jaylynn punches her in the face._

JAYLYNN: I should have told you before: Nobody, and I mean nobody, puts their hands on my friends.

SONJA: But you came here to get away from them!

JAYLYNN: Yeah, I did. But I had to get away...to come right back.

SONJA: That's so stupid!

JAYLYNN: Probably. But this isn't!

 _Jaylynn kicks Sonja in the head and stops Legs dead in her tracks with the golf club._

JAYLYNN: Take your stupid friends and get lost!

LEGS: It was fun while it lasted, Jaylynn. I guess you were too soft to hang with us.

JAYLYNN: I don't really give a shit.

 _Legs picks up Sonja and Skylar and leaves the area. Jaylynn turns her attention to Sparky._

JAYLYNN: Sparky, are you okay? Don't die on me, man, I'm sorry for everything!

SPARKY: Jaylynn, I'm not dead.

JAYLYNN: Oh. Good. Look, I know you hate me for everything I did but I'm so, so, sorry. You're one of the best people I've ever met and when you guys ditched me, I got mad so I came here. If it wasn't for you, I probably wouldn't even be here right now.

SPARKY: I'm sorry too. I didn't know you felt so excluded. Whatever problems you have, you know you can come to us. We never want to make you feel like you don't matter to us because you do. We love you, Jaylynn.

JAYLYNN: I love you too. I always did.

 _Jaylynn and Sparky hug and the other guys gather around them for a group hug._

BUSTER: Can we go home now? I have a headache something fierce.

RK: Same here. I feel like I was in a bar fight or something.

JAYLYNN: Sure. We can go home. To my real home with people who really care about me.

 _The guys leave the restaurant and get in Sparky's car._

JAYLYNN: You know something? I did change. Thanks to you guys, I'm more mature than I've ever been before.

BUSTER: Oh my God. Jaylynn? You're going to make me have a breakdown.

WADE: So are you ever going to come back here as a reflection of your past?

JAYLYNN: Oh, hell no, I'm never coming back, this place is a nightmare. If Sarah wants to see me, she can do it on my terms.

 _Sparky slowly drives off as the camera slowly zooms out._

SPARKY: Jaylynn, I just realized something. We never saw your old house.

JAYLYNN: Trust me, it's not worth going back to. The guy who bought my house, he's, um...mysterious.

RK: Is he a child molester?

JAYLYNN: Most likely, yeah.

 _Fade to black._

 _("Lyrics to Go" by A Tribe Called Quest playing in the end credits)_

 _POST-CREDITS GAG_

 _Jaylynn is at Anja's house talking to her on the couch._

JAYLYNN: And I know you're not just going to forgive me, but I don't care. I'm really sorry for what I did to you and I let everything I was going through get to me. I shouldn't treat my best friend like she doesn't matter.

ANJA: I'm glad you realize that. I accept your apology. And you know, Jaylynn, honestly, there's something I've always wanted to say to you.

JAYLYNN: Really?

ANJA: Yeah. I was waiting for the right time but it was never really the right time until now.

JAYLYNN: Well, you know, Anja, you can tell me anything. Because when friendships reach that next level, what can you really do? _*in her mind* Oh my God, she's going to tell me she's in love with me! I'm not ready!_

ANJA: You see, I should have done this a long time ago but it just didn't feel right to me. But considering what's been going on lately, I think you really deserve it.

JAYLYNN: Well, I mean, whatever it is, just know that it has been a long time coming and when you really think about it...

 _Anja proceeds to smack Jaylynn hard across the face, knocking her down to the floor._

JAYLYNN: OW!

ANJA: You didn't think I was gonna do it, did you?

JAYLYNN: WHAT THE F*** WAS THAT, MAN?! THAT HURT!

ANJA: It was a long time coming, you know that.

JAYLYNN: Alright. I deserved that. I had it coming. But just one thing, Anja.

ANJA: What?

JAYLYNN: Can you tell me what kind of tombstone you want?

 _At that point, Jaylynn starts chasing after Anja across the living room and up the stairs as a fake studio audience applauds._

©2016 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS

NEW EPISODES START AUGUST 28


	2. Going Back to Portland Part Two B-Pass

_PRODUCTION/CULTURAL REFERENCES (written on 7/4/16)_

-I started writing the episode last Tuesday, went through some writer's block for a bit, then powered through and finished it last night. I was considering putting it up last night, but held it back just in case I wanted to make any last-minute edits.

-Looking back at my notes, the episode's ending was slightly different. Originally, the girls were going to beat down Testicular Sound Express and Sarah at her house until Jaylynn stepped in and went after them. The fight scene actually turned out very well and I felt like it would have been redundant to have Jaylynn fight Sonja three times in the same episode.

-I forgot to mention this in the last Backstage Pass, but part one of "Going Back to Portland" was two days removed from the four-year anniversary of the pilot episode. I was going to have the original season finale coincide with the anniversary date (at one point even planning to release it on June 24) but plans changed when I decided not to have the kids move up a grade.

-For a long time, I felt like I never had a handle on Sarah's character but I felt like she really shined here playing off of Jaylynn. I'm going to keep that in mind for season five, but I have no plans to include her in any future episodes right now.

-I was originally going to do a dramatic opening parodying how recaps go for two-part episodes of TV shows, but I already did that for "Slice of Fantastica" so I just played it straight.

-The Michael Jackson debate was actually inspired by a Charlamagne tha God interview I watched where he argued with DJ Vlad over what the better MJ album was, _Off the Wall_ or _Thriller_. I lean more towards the _Thriller_ side right now but as a joke, I decided to have RK be the only one on that side, with everyone else thinking the answer was so obvious.

-Jaylynn makes an _Arthur_ reference when she calls Halley "D.W."

-Legs references LeBron James' re-signing with the Cleveland Cavaliers for the 2014-2015 NBA season, after initially leaving the team in the summer of 2010 for the Miami Heat.

-Sparky references the Holly Holm/Ronda Rousey fight at _UFC 193_ last November. Holm gave Rousey the first loss of her career when she upset her for the UFC Women's Bantamweight Championship.

-The scene at Sarah's house was hard to write like a lot of dramatic scenes are, especially the part where Sparky gives up and leaves. I wanted to really get across his emotions the most, someone who has known Jaylynn for a long time and felt like his whole world was collapsing.

-I wanted to have more interaction between Buster and Skylar, but it just didn't work out with everything else going on in the episode. It's very unlikely Sonja or her crew is going to appear again on the show, but anything can change.

-There was no way I could give Jaylynn a dramatic line without it sounding cheesy, so I added some self-awareness.

-One of the things I really forgot to include in this two-parter is the status of Jaylynn's old house so I just decided to address it at the end.

-I really enjoyed writing the post-credits gag. I came up with the idea of Anja smacking Jaylynn in my notes and decided to just run with it. I only included it because she had mentioned doing it to Jaylynn in the past and I thought it could work as retribution for Jaylynn's actions in this episode.


	3. What's Next III?

_Written on 7/5/16_

-Because of the shortened season, and because I want to have the 100th episode in November, season five is starting early. Based on the plans I have now, season five will have the most episodes since season two. I still have no idea how I was able to pull off 28 episodes in nine months, but I feel like my increased standards along with my procrastination and writer's block are reasons for why I haven't been able to match that count. Of course, it should always be quality over quantity, but I didn't even reach 20 episodes this season. I failed to reach my goal this time, but I really want to go the distance for season five and get more episodes done.

-Anyway, for the reasons mentioned above, season five is having an early premiere date of August 28. I chose that date because the MTV Video Music Awards are that night and the episodes will air right after them as a leadout program. You know, like how new episodes of television shows will often air right after the Super Bowl? I wanted to do that last year, but the episode wasn't ready yet. And the season will not only start early, but open up with two episodes. This will help me make up for the missing season four episodes. I'm going to do another doubleheader on September 25, which is when season five would have started and the fall schedule begins. A third and final double episode night will take place most likely on October 30, the night before Halloween. I already have a Halloween episode ready to be written but I just came up with another one so I'll use that one. The two episodes will most likely contrast each other with the first one being darker and more intense.

-The big one-hour 100th episode is slated for November 27. I refuse to give away any major details, but the plot is very _Thank You, Heavenly_ and involves a battle. I came up with it along with a couple other potential stories for the 100th episode. It was the first one I thought of and I fell in love with it so I'm going to see how it works out for me. Leading up to the episode, I'm going to add a section to Backstage Pass called "100 Things You May or May Not Know About _Thank You, Heavenly_." In every Backstage Pass from the season premiere to the 100th show, I'm going to include interesting facts and tidbits about the series. I already reveal a lot about the show in the Backstage Pass as it is, so I'll try to be as fresh as I can with the information.

-A Christmas episode is in the works, with three different plots: Sparky and Buster in the main plot, RK and Wade in the subplot, and Jaylynn and Anja in the C-plot. It will come on December 18 and will be either a half-hour or 45 minutes. I was considering a New Year's Eve episode, but I really have nothing right now and I wouldn't know when to air it exactly, since Christmas/New Year's fall on the weekend this year. If it does happen, I guess it will come on December 23 or December 30.

-The fourth Super Bowl episode will come next January. One of the stories I was going to use for this season's episode will just be saved and used for next season's episode.

-There might be another time machine episode, and if it does happen, it will be the two-part season finale. I'm also going to end it in May, no late finishes this time. Unless I really have no choice, but like I said, I want to go the distance in season five.

-There's going to be a third Cimorelli episode in season five, guest-starring Fifth Harmony as well. It's going to have RK take way too many sleeping pills, become a psychotic killing machine in his dreams and kidnap both girl groups in an attempt to get them to stop singing as he drives all over Vegas in an RV. No, I'm just kidding, that's not happening. I actually came up with the idea of Sparky and the gang traveling to Nashville to meet Cimorelli in real-life this time, but after the second episode, I'm just going to hold off on it until season six, maybe. I don't know, I'm not that interested in doing a third Cimorelli episode unless I have something new to say.

-There's going to be at least two episodes next season that play with the format of the series.

-After season five, I'm releasing _The Thank You, Heavenly Movie_ in the summer of 2017. It's going to be epic. Or it might be if I was actually doing it. I used to be interested in doing a film based on the show but then I realized that I can literally tell any story I want with a regular episode. Until I find something too good to use on the show, a movie's not happening. _The Thank You, Heavenly Movie_ will most likely end up being the series finale since the 100-episode count will be passed while I'm still interested in writing the show, it has to be the biggest adventure the kids have ever been on and I have to devote all my time and energy into writing it. Makes no sense to do a film script and then go back to the show a few weeks after that.

-I'm not going to reveal any episode plots for season five right now because I just know it's going to come back and bite me, so here are the dates for new episodes from August 28 to December 30. Remember, everything is subject to change:

August 28 (season premiere doubleheader)

September 25 (fall premiere doubleheader)

October 2

October 9

October 16

October 23

October 30 (Halloween doubleheader)

November 6

November 13

November 27 (TWO-PART 100TH EPISODE)

December 18 (Christmas episode)

December 23 (potential New Year's Eve episode)

December 30 (potential New Year's Eve episode)

-The goal is to get to 26 episodes like I tried doing this season. I have a long road ahead of me, but I will definitely try writing more frequently and ahead of time.


	4. Season 4 Retrospective

_Written 7/5/16_

-When I look back at this season, I'm always going to be disappointed somewhat. Not because of the quality of the episodes, but the amount of episodes. It seems like everything was trying to keep me from reaching my goal and there was really nothing I could do to stop it. I knew it was a bad sign when I had to rush to finish the season premiere on the night in question and barely cracked midnight.

-Despite season four ending later than it should have and being shorter than I planned, it was a great season overall. I feel like the show settled into itself in season three and now just has to maintain consistency. The characters are developed enough, the dialogue is a lot more natural and flows better, the comedy has definitely improved. There were a lot of episodes I enjoyed working on or went back to and liked reading again. I usually don't go back and look at previous episodes because it's always about the next one, but I did that a lot this season and I was pleased with the results.

-That two-month hiatus from November to January really killed me. I was planning to just do a couple more episodes in 2015 like I usually would, then my writer's block kicked in and I got lazy and then I just stopped writing entirely. Then in March, I was just hoping to get to 15 episodes. As much as I love doing this show, I never realized how hard it is to write episodes until this season. How can I fix that? I'll just have to find a way.

-Honestly, the weirdest episode I wrote all season was the Thanksgiving episode. I mean, there was one that involved RK and Wade shrinking down to microscopic size so they could infiltrate a tank filled with radioactive hamsters. Not even that one felt as off to me as "My Thanksgiving with the CimFam," mostly because of how I approached it. I actually treated the Cimorelli sisters like legitimate characters instead of guest stars, mostly because I wanted to try something new and the writing took things in a different direction. It's definitely one of the most interesting episodes I've done, but I imagine if it was actually on television, it would be polarizing.

-A long time ago, I said that I was going to end the show through two ways: After 100 episodes, or with a feature film. This was when I really didn't think I was going to do more than four seasons, or even three. But with all the episode ideas I have saved up, and all the ideas I'm still coming up with, I'll be covered until 2019. I don't know about season seven right now, but I'm definitely interested in season six. I think it would be nice to end the show after eight seasons. I graduate college in 2020 and it will keep _Thank You, Heavenly_ in the 2010s since 95% of the episodes are coming from this decade.

-My favorite episode is a three-way tie between "Fake It," "My Thanksgiving with the CimFam," and "The Code." I looked back at "The Code" recently and realized how much I really liked it. "Night of the Radioactive Hamsters" was also really fun to work on.

-The hardest episode to write all season was actually "Going Back to Portland: Part II." It wasn't even that hard, but my writer's block was really getting in the way at one point. Interestingly enough, none of the episodes I wrote were that tough to get through, unlike last season where there were a few. "The Fourteenth Year" was actually really easy, but I just got lazy, started putting it off and scrambled to finish it so that was more my fault.

-I never found a way to finish that "Everybody Hates Anja" short. What a shame. Maybe that will be an episode some day.

-I really wanted to do a Christmas or New Year's episode this season so I was disappointed when I didn't get to. I even had a Christmas one planned that turned into a Valentine's Day episode that I scrapped because I lost interest even though the plot was good enough.

-I was really happy with how "The Trouble with Militants" turned out, mostly because I thought the subject matter would have been too heavy for the show and it would turn into a mess. But I'm at the point where I believe _Thank You, Heavenly_ can handle real-world topics with some subtlety and intelligence. I actually came up with an idea for a sequel episode involving feminism, but I don't know if that's really going to happen until I have a concrete story.

-Not much else to say at this point. I hope you all had fun following _Thank You, Heavenly_ for a fourth season and we can put this one in the books. Things didn't work out at all like I planned, but I'm proud of the 17 episodes that made it. So long and see you on August 28. That's when the Road to 100 starts! :)

 _Thank You, Heavenly Season 4_

 _September 27, 2015 - July 4, 2016_

 _17 episodes_

 _SPECIAL THANKS TO OUR GUEST STARS_

 _-Marv Albert_

 _-Chris Webber_

 _-Reggie Miller_

 _-Craig Sager_

 _-Larisa Oleynik_

 _-Inga Cadranel_

 _-Chris Rock_

 _-William Daniels_

 _-Andre Kim_

 _-Jared Leong_

 _-Sabrina Carpenter_

 _-Tony Sirico_

 _-Kira Kosarin_

 _-Curtis Harris_

 _-Benjamin "Lil' P-Nut" Flores, Jr._

 _-Chico Benymon_

 _-Cimorelli (Christina, Katherine, Lisa, Amy, Lauren, and Dani Cimorelli)_

 _-Kurt Russell_

 _-James Brown_

 _-Jim Nantz_

 _-Phil Simms_

 _-Tracy Wolfson_

 _-Bruce Baum_

 _-Kevin Hart_

 _-Paramore (Hayley Williams, Taylor York)_

 _-Justin Roiland_

 _-Dorien Wilson_

 _-Soni Nicole Bringas_

 _-Skai Jackson_

 _-Isabela Moner_


End file.
